Welcome to the Official Home Page of
WASHED UP
The shittiest sunglasses on Earth.*
*They're actually pretty great.
NEW! The Dale, model 001, is coming soon.
My wife pulled these out of the Gulf. I put them on as a joke. Then I found out they're actually good. So now we're making more, on purpose.
This part of the site actually works
Get on the list for The Dale
The first batch is 300 pairs. We'll email you when they're ready to order. No spam. We don't have time.
One more thing.
Prove you're a human. Dale counts.
You're on the list.
We'll email when The Dale is ready. Watch your inbox (and maybe your spam folder). Watch for sand.
Wait. Dale? If you really lost a pair at Gulf Shores this summer, we need to talk.
Preview only: signups only save on washedupshades.com.
Why these are the shittiest sunglasses on Earth
- They're made of plastic.*
- The lenses are plastic too.**
- They're bendy. Concerningly bendy.***
- They're not polarized.
- Those vents on the arms? Useless.****
- They look like it's 2003.*****
* Nylon, technically. Plastic with a better lawyer. Light, flexible and hard to break.
** Polycarbonate, the impact-resistant stuff that naturally blocks UV. We're getting ours lab-tested before we put a number on it.
*** They bend way back and spring right back instead of snapping.
No asterisk on "not polarized." There's no upside. We're sorry.
**** We honestly don't know what they do. Nobody does.
***** Correct.
Now with sand!
Every pair ships with a sealed baggie of genuine sand, because that's how we found the first one.
The sand gets its own bag so it can't scratch your lenses. Sand scratches lenses. We learned that the hard way.
Don't want sand? Add the $2 de-sanding fee at checkout. We'll leave it out and try not to take it personally.
Dear Dale,
We found your sunglasses floating in the ocean at Gulf Shores this summer. We meant to give them back. Instead, we started a company.
We don't know your real name. We don't know what you look like. We just know you had taste before the rest of us.
If you lost a pair of black wraparounds at Gulf Shores in summer 2026, get on the list and pick "Yes" under "Are you Dale?" We owe you one.
Love,
Everyone who wears a pair
MISSING
DALE
Last seen: Gulf Shores, AL, summer 2026
Distinguishing features: unknown. Excellent taste in sunglasses.
If found, tell him his glasses are doing great.